Waiting

Isn't that a beautiful Stargazer Lily? (Actually, I had no idea what it was called.  I had to text the flower expert and owner of a floral shop, Amy, so I could sound educated!)  A couple nights ago after the kids went to bed I was tiding up the house.  I kept smelling this overwhelming flowery smell.  I had smelled it a couple times during the day but didn't think much of it.  When I received this beautiful bouquet of flowers from my sister last Friday, the lily's looked like the one at the top right of the picture.  Not yet ready to bloom, I had over looked them the first 5 days I had the bouquet.  Now in full bloom, I'm just amazed by their beauty! 

I started thinking about that flower in relation to the last week.  Last Thursday & Friday were hard, hard days.  {Refer to this post for the full story.} I know there was a reason why I miscarried but that reason hasn't shown itself yet (and I'm not expecting it to right away).  I feel like I'm that lily at the top right of the picture... just waiting for the beauty in this trial to bloom.  Kevin and I agreed that if we had it all to do over again, knowing we'd miscarry, we'd still do it all over again.  We have a beautiful little baby in heaven (that Kevin named Kelsey) waiting for us.  Why would we ever change that?  I know God wants my heart, mind, soul, willingness, spirit, attitude - my everything.  He has it.  That song with these lyrics, "Change my heart oh God, make it ever true.  Change my heart oh God, may I be like You.  You are the potter, I am the clay.  Mold me and make me, this is what I pray" - that is what I pray.  I'm looking forward to seeing what God makes of this situation and how He uses it to change my life. 

(When I YouTubed the Song "Change my heart oh God", I stumbled upon this video.  I thought it was really good and worth sharing.)