Progress or Procrasination by Lisa Allen

Monday's Proverbs 31 emails was really encouraging to me.  I wanted to share some bits and pieces of the daily devotional with you, in case you aren't signed up to get them!

July 22, 2013 Progress or Procrastination? Lisa Allen

"If you wait for perfect conditions, you'll never get anything done!" Ecclesiastes 11:4 (LB)

As I've observed this pattern of procrastination within myself, I find when faced with a desire and necessity to make a change for the better, sometimes I wait until I can do it perfectly before I'm willing to begin. Scripture tells us though "If you wait for perfect conditions, you'll never get anything done!" (Ecclesiastes 11:4).

I don't know about you, but I struggle with feeling that perfection is unreachable, so I push my goals to the back burner.

We wait to start consistent quiet times until we feel like getting up earlier. We wait to clean our house until there is a convenient weekend. We wait to join a small group until our schedules open up. We wait to begin a healthier lifestyle until the holidays are over.

Taking that first step is the hardest and yet most important step. Even a baby step toward a goal is better than staying in place. Aiming for progress rather than perfection can be quite freeing. So, I can't run a marathon. But I can lace up my sneakers and go for a walk. And while my home isn't in spotless, I can wipe down the counters and put away the piles of laundry around my living room. Yes, there are still dishes in the sink, but I have to start somewhere, right?

God is teaching me that I can make progress in the midst of less-than-perfect circumstances. While I still want to do things with excellence, a friend once told me I need to be willing to "take a B instead of an A+" on some things in life, and that helps bring perspective when excuses start to rise up. Plus, I'm learning to overcome my tendency for excuses by telling myself imperfect action is better than perfect procrastination.

Article by Erma Bombeck

Our Senior Pastor, Ken Idleman, led our DOK class this morning.  He read us this article today that really struck a few chords with me.  Wanted to share with you all......

When Children Have Grown Up - By Erma Bombeck

One of these days you'll shout, "Why don't you kids grow up and act your age?" And they will. Or, "You guys get outside and find yourselves something to do ... and don't slam the door!" And they will.

You'll straighten up the boys' bedroom neat and tidy ... bumper stickers discarded ... spread tucked and smoothed ... toys displayed on the shelves. Hangers in the closet. Animals caged. And you'll say, "Now I want it to stay that way!" And it will.

You'll prepare a perfect dinner with a salad that hasn't been picked to death and a cake with no finger traces in the icing and you'll say, "Now there's a meal for company." And you eat it alone.

You'll say, "I want complete privacy on the phone. No dancing around. No pantomimes. No demolition crews. Silence. Do you hear?" And you'll have it.

No more plastic tableclothes stained with spaghetti. No more bedspreads to protect from damp bottoms. No more gates to stumble over at the top of the basement stairs. No more clothespins under the sofa. No more playpens to arrange the room around.

No more anxious nights under a vaporizer tent. No more sand on the sheets or Popeye movies in the bathrooms. No more iron-on patches, wet, knotted shoestrings, tight boots or rubber bands for ponytails.

Imagine, a lipstick with a point on it. No babysitter for New Year's Eve. Washing only once a week. Seeing a steak that isn't ground. Having your teeth cleaned without a baby in your lap. No PTA meetings. No car pools. No blaring radios. No one washing her hair at 11 0'clock. Having your own roll of transparent tape.

Think about it. No more Christmas presents out of toothpicks and library paste. No more sloppy, oatmeal kisses. No more tooth fairy. Only a voice crying, "Why don't you grow up?" and the silence echoing, "I did."

Tricks

This morning Kevin let TJ in the house for a bit.  We do that now and then, but try not to make it a habit.  I've spent a little time teaching the dog a few tricks (sit, shake, lay down, we are working on hi-fives).  Allie was really wanting to give him a treat this morning and I told her she had to make him do some tricks so he'd earn a treat.  I gave her three treats and she just put them all in TJ's mouth.  Again, I told her she needed to tell him to do some tricks before she just gave him the treats.  As I was placing more doggy treats in her hand, she looks at TJ and says "Tricks".... "Tricks"

It was very funny to me how literal she took my words.  Then I started thinking about how many times I've spouted off instructions or requests or demands to my kids without ever taking the time to teach them how to do the things I'm saying.  I love these kids, so why am I not taking the time to train them in areas I'm constantly harping on them?

Areas I need to train them in:

• How to behave when Mommy (or Daddy) is on the phone or talking to a friend
• How to behave when we are at places of business
• How to talk and behave respectively to/around elders
• How to listen more than they speak

My goal is not for them to be perfect little robots that act right every time I speak, but I know I can do more, and they are willing to learn more.  So see, even big furry headed dogs can be used as an instrument to show you areas you can grown and learn :)  Thanks, TJ!

The Good Wife Recipe

If you aren't already signed up to get the daily Proverbs31 email, go do it now!  I loved the email I got today!!!  It was titled "The Good Wife"....  I've copied the text below.  Some of my good friends have been telling me they are gagging at the facebook exchanges between Kevin and I lately.  I feel like we have the "right recipe" now (gag all you want people).  If you are married, or want to get married in the future, read the article!


"Being a good wife is a lot like being a good cook.
Any cook using the same recipe and instructions can produce a dish that tastes entirely different from another's. Why is this?
Well, attention to detail is one characteristic that distinguishes a good cook from an average one.
Take fried apples for example. All you need are apples, sugar, butter and cinnamon. But, not every cook prepares them the same. I cook mine on high (I want them caramelized) and I never put a lid on the pan or they get mushy. If you take the same ingredients, cook them on low with a cover, you get a dish that doesn't resemble mine at all. The same recipe produces a totally different result.
The same is true between a good wife and an average wife. There are hundreds of recipes for being a good wife using the same few ingredients: love, respect, communication, intimacy, time, service, and prayer. Even if the recipe is followed without one ingredient omitted, the outcome can be totally different.
If you love in proportion to what is given you, the recipe will not rise to the fullest. Our key verse, Romans 12:10, tells us to be devoted in love. The word love as used here is an unconditional one with no expectations of a return. Love with every ounce of your being and when you have given all, squeeze even more out.
I grew up lacking an understanding of respect. I loved my husband, but didn't respect all of his ideas or his role in our family. But through reading Scripture, God showed me the importance of respecting my husband. In fact, Romans 12:10 encourages us to honor our husbands by thinking more highly of them than ourselves. This meant I had to stop thinking my way was the only way! Once I learned to listen before reacting and respect his thoughts, I find Dale is actually right most often.
Communication is a delicate balance of listening and talking. Listen not only with your ears but with your heart. One author broke down our key verse by saying, "They should speak honourably of each other ... and discourage that evil practice of whisperings, backbitings, and innuendos; they should treat each other with honour and respect in their common conversation."* Allow nothing to hinder this vital ingredient, including interrupting, assuming, or past conversations. He needs to know you care about his every thought, goal, and burden.
Do not neglect intimacy! The spicier you make this ingredient, the easier the other ingredients gel together into the perfect recipe.
I'm not the perfect housekeeper, but I try my best. Serving my husband by keeping our home organized and clean, cooking meals he enjoys, and creating an atmosphere of love makes my recipe great!
Time with him is a vital ingredient too. So, I go everywhere he goes whenever possible. When our five girls were little we would all hop in the vehicle to get gas or pick up nails from the hardware store just to be with him.
Many nights I wake up and while he sleeps, I watch him and pray. I pray for his health, his work, and his dreams to be fulfilled. Make time each day to regularly pray for your husband, and sprinkle in prayers throughout your day as well. The Lord will be faithful to answer.
The Good Wife Recipe is about being devoted to one another in love and honoring each other above ourselves. I've noticed that the more I put into the recipe, the more I get out of it ... and the more passionate my marriage is. The more passionate it becomes the less work it is. My desire to love becomes greater, ability to respect becomes second nature, communication becomes like-minded, intimacy is sweeter, and time with him is my desire not a duty.
Being a good wife is a lot like being a good cook. Anyone using the same recipe and instructions can produce a marriage that is entirely different from another. The secret to The Good Wife Recipe: do not neglect one ingredient. It will be how deliberate you are with the finer details that will determine the outcome."

#imconvicted

This article was posted on a friends facebook page.  I felt very convicted by it and thought you may too.  Kevin and I are going to be making some serious changes with when and how we use our phones....

How to Miss a Childhood

Time

I heard a great quote on KLOVE a couple weeks ago.  A pastor was talking about how we never have time to read our bibles, we never have time to pray, we never have time to ______; the list goes on and on.  He said, which I found profound, "You never have time, you take time."  It was an "ah ha" moment for me.  I use the excuse I don't have time about a hundred times a day... so I need to take time to do what's important, or it won't get done.

To follow up that quote, I was reading my Proverbs 31 email this morning written by Tracie Miles.  It was titled "When Time Keeps Slipping Away".  I'm just copied/pasted her thoughts, but if you aren't signed up to receive this free email daily, you should sign up!  I've been convicted about being more intentional on how I spend my time!

“Seventy years are given to us! Some even live to eighty. But even the best years are filled with pain and trouble; soon they disappear, and we fly away. Teach us to realize the brevity of life, so that we may grow in wisdom.” Psalm 90:10, 12 (NLT)

Recently my family experienced an unexpected treat. For the first time in many months, we had the joy of a weekend with no obligations! No ballgames, no travel, no commitments—just unstructured time.
Savoring my coffee Monday morning, I thought about the laughter, conversations and relaxing moments. Each had brought a peaceful feeling over my spirit and reminded of how precious the gift of time is, yet how often I take it for granted.
For weeks my thoughts had been continually nudging me to do more, yet my heart had been whispering do less. At the same time I sensed Jesus calling me to rest, and spend more time with Him and my loved ones. But life had just been so busy, and other demands had screamed for my attention.
I realized how I had let time slip away without investing it wisely.
The Bible records the words of Moses, a man who understood the value of time. In Psalm 90, Moses recognizes the brevity of life, and the importance of making the most of the time we have been given.
Perhaps Moses wrote from a place of frustration. After all, he’d watched his entire generation wander aimlessly for 40 years because they didn’t trust God’s promises. They kept busy with jobs, chores and responsibilities. But they apparently spent more time grumbling than getting to know God better, or enjoying the blessings and people in their lives.
Many of us experience this same dilemma, wandering through daily routines and overbooked schedules. There’s little time left at the end of the day to spend with Jesus or those we love. Before we know it, the days turn into years and our hearts are no wiser. We get in a rut of grumbling about troubles and busyness, while ignoring the necessity of rest and the benefits of unstructured time.
I used to view “down time” as being unproductive. I would feel guilty for sitting down with a good book when the sink was full of dirty dishes, or snuggling with my children on the couch to watch a movie when I had errands to run or work to do.
Yet God designed rest because our hearts, minds, bodies and spirits need it. Slowing down and paying attention to what fills our day allows us to refocus and rest.
It gives us time to soak in His Word, have quiet prayer, and invest in our family. These are easy to disregard when life’s too busy. Even if we’re busy with good things, they may draw us away from what the Lord would have us do.
As we understand the brevity of life and value our time, we’ll gain a wise heart that seeks the Lord’s will. Let’s ask God to show us each day how He wants to fill the hours we are given. Whether He guides us to enjoy personal time, rest and relax, hang out with friends or family, study His Word, or enjoy some fun activities, if He is leading our choices, we’ll find peace, contentment, and joy.

#1 Role

Who or what makes you feel complete?

This is a tough question to answer honestly!  I know the answer IS God, but sometimes my little mind gets sidetracked from the bigger picture.  The kids have a tough day which means I have a tough day.  I feel drained.  Kevin is working a lot which leaves us very little time to even have a real conversation.  I feel empty.  I don't prioritize my day well and when the day is done, I feel mad at myself for not accomplishing anything that needed to get done.  Doing day-to-day life and relying on others for your happiness is an uphill battle!

This is where my DOK class comes in to give me a slap upside the head.  This last Wednesday we were talking about when my husband doesn't meet all my (thousands of) expectations, when he disappoints me (even though we all know I'm impossible to please).... I blame him (or the kids) for my bad mood and disappointment!  And really, I am the one to blame.  Ouch.  God never intended Kevin to make me feel complete.  Only He can do that.  He wants to make me whole.  Kevin, although he is an amazing husband, and really does everything he can think of to make me happy, it will never be enough to fill the spot only God can fill.

The book we are studying is "Finding the Hero in Your Husband" and let me tell you this book is much more about changing ME (rather than me changing him, which that seems like it would be easier)!  I'm learning a lot.  I want to grow a lot too.  When I start my day asking God to fill me up, I end the days thanking him for his faithfulness.  The days I get too busy to do that, I find myself feeling utterly drained and thinking "Why didn't I just ask God for help?"

First and foremost, I am a child of God.  Then I am a wife and a mother.  (Not to mention a daughter and sister and friend.)  For all those relationships and roles to happen the way they were intended, I need take care of my #1 role first!  It makes so much sense to me now, I just need to keep putting it in practice!

Things to Ponder

I've run across a couple of great quotes/thoughts lately that have really made me ponder, so I thought I would share :)

1. Kids don't do what you say, they do what you do.
• I love this for how true it is, but also hate it for how true it is.      
2. If you (or your kids) aren't exposed to it, you won't know what you're missing.
• This is SO TRUE!  Just an example, I grew up never having cable tv.  I have never seen an episode of the Brady Bunch or I Love Lucy or Bewitched, or all those other shows people use to watch.  I definitely didn't feel like I was missing out though.  Even now, since we cancelled our cable, people will say "Did you see that commercial for _____" and I just say, "No, we really don't watch much tv."  I use to see commercials for restaurants and think, oh that sounds good, and I really don't want to cook dinner anyways, so lets eat out!  I'm extra cautious about what my kids are exposed to, and I don't think that's a bad thing.
3. Children can't appreciate abundance unless they know what enough is.
• I think as parents we want to give our kids an abundance of everything, but it seems like it will only set them up for a life of discontentment.  If they are always given abundance, you are setting them up for an unappreciative heart.  If you define what is enough for your family, and stick to that, and every so often give abundantly, your kids will really appreciate abundance!
4. Teach children to find their identity in Christ, not things.
• All the Tim Tebow haters out there aren't going to like this reference, but, I think his parents did an exceptional job at this.  He is a Christ follower, then an NFL quarterback. 

Philippians

I've had a couple things on my mind lately. Usually that's not a problem, but these two things have caused me to lose my temper, bite my nails, and they both fill my mind with anger, fear, or worry. I was able to share some of these things with a dear friend today. She encouraged me and reminded me that the devil is behind these feelings. She suggested I read Philiappians. This "quiet time" today spoke right to my soul and helped erase all those negative feelings I have been having the last several days.

The first verse, Philippians 2: 3-5, spoke right to situation #1.  "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourself. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interest of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus."

The second verse, Philippians 4: 6-7, spoke right to situation #2.  "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Next time you are struggling with something, I would suggest reading Philippians! Bad attitude, and worry, and anger, and fear have been replaced by a peace that passes understanding.  My footnotes in my bible for the verse from Philippians 4 says, "God's peace is different from the world's peace.  True peace is not found in positive thinking, in absence of conflict, or in good feelings.  It comes from knowing that God is in control."  

To-Day Lists

Well this is a first! I'm blogging from my iPhone. Please excuse any typos!

In the mornings, one thing I always do right after I wake up is check my email (sometimes while I'm still in bed thanks to my new iPhone)!  I get a daily email from Proverbs 31 Ministries and I was out of the habit of reading them until recently.  The email today was talking about how when we make "to do lists," a lot of the items roll over to "tomorrow's list".  I am so guilty of this.  I usually do 1/2 to 3/4 of my list but when I see what is left, (clean the bathrooms or Windex my windows), I make excuses for myself.  I tell myself I've already accomplished enough for one day and I will do it tomorrow.  I'm feeling really lazy admitting that, but it's true! The email this morning challenged us to make "to day lists" instead.  That way we will commit to doing it today! This was a revelation for me people!

Ive also signed up for a 15 day clutter free challenge online. The woman doing the challenge also writes for Proverbs 31 Ministries and she has written a book on organization.  I'm really looking forward to seeing what difference it makes in my home. If u want to sign up for the challenge too, it's not too late. Go here and read today's post (Day 1) then subscribe to her blog.  Easy peasy.

If you are interested in the Proverbs 31 daily email (which is fantastic), you can click here.

Catching Up

I have been trying to catch up on blogs I read the last day or so.  One of my favorites is called Mothering From the Heart.  It's on my "Blog List" there to the right.  I love her writing and opinions and views.  I have spent several nights reading older posts she's written or listening to messages she's posted on her blog.  You should check her out sometime too!

Talks & Thoughts

Months ago, Kevin and I started a weekly, sometimes even two times a week, evening of talking.  After the kids go to bed, we just sit down and talk, sometimes for hours, about whats on our mind, what's coming up, how we feel about things, etc.  I wouldn't trade these nights for anything.  It has brought us closer and we don't really argue anymore.

Last night I had a lot on my mind so I did most of the talking.  I love my Daughers of the King (DOK) group, if you haven't figured that out yet.  I told Kevin that sometimes it's hard to not compare myself to all these Mother Teresas that sit at my table!  I promise they are the most wonderful group of women I've spent time with.  They challenge me to be better and I feel so inspired by them, but sometimes it makes me feel like I'm not doing enough.  I think there's a healthy drive buried in these thoughts.  It pushes me to want to do better and do things that aren't convenient (like a possible mission trip in my future), but on days when I struggle to just get the basics done (like getting dinner prepared than getting dishes done) I feel not good enough.

Yesterday we had some group time at DOK.  We were supposed to talk about if we were a perfectionist and in what areas of our life we struggle with that.  I wouldn't call myself a perfectionist, but a control freak.  Just ask Kevin.  I have to have the towels folded a certain way, the fiesta ware has to be put away in an exact color pattern, and everything that I have in the kitchen has a home, and if it's not where it's supposed to be my eye starts twitching.  Instead of being thankful for the help, I cringe when Kevin puts the dishes away because it usually takes me a couple days to get things back where they go.  Yes, I know that's bad.  What is even worse is I've caught myself doing this with Hayden.  I tell him "No, that toy doesn't go there." or "No, we do it this way."  When I talk to him like this, its the same thing as me telling him, you're not meeting my expectations; ultimately it's me saying "You're not good enough".  Would I ever directly say that to Hayden, or Kevin?  No, of course not.  But isn't that what I'm saying by always fixing and correcting what they have done?

I am hard on other people, but I'm really bad about dogging myself.  One of the women in my group yesterday said that when we think the way I've been thinking (that 'I'm not good enough' attitude), when we criticize ourselves, isn't that us saying "God, you messed up."  Does God ever mess up?  Obviously not.  That negative talk is Satan whispering lies to us.  God made us exactly the way he wanted us to be.  Those women in my DOK group have been called to different ministries, and that doesn't make me less valuable or not good enough.  I'm the way God wants me to be.   I'm probably going to have to remind myself of this daily. 

If you didn't see this post about me and Hayden baking cookies, that was me taking a step back and giving up this "control" issue I have.  Hayden had so much fun and I think he truly loves cooking and baking.  The cookies turned out great, but if they were a horrible flop, he still would have had so much fun.  There are so many skills I want my kids to learn and if I'm always correcting them and saying it's not good enough, then that will be dependant on me thinking they can't do anything right.  As they get older they will feel not good enough.  I want to stop.  I want them to always know they are good enough.

Feeling Guilty

I went to Old Navy last week when all their women's clearance was an extra half off.  I picked up 3 shirts that totaled about $10 and I just thought, "How can I spend $10 on shirts for me when I don't have all the kids winter clothes bought yet?"  So I put them back and left the mall.  I was given a $10 gift card to JCPenney and I told Kevin I may go look for something for myself.  When I got there, I thought I could probably find some summer clearance things for Allie or Hayden for next year, and that would be a better purchase, so I made my way upstairs and bypassed my section.  Am I the only one that does this?  Why do I feel guilty when it comes to buying things for myself?

In my book I'm reading for my Daughters of the King class, there is a chapter that talks about this!  Lysa (the author of the book) suggested making a list of little things that make your heart happy.  Hey, if Lysa says I can do it, than by gosh I NEED to do it! :)  Here's my list of things (I'm going to continue adding to this!):

1. Chick Fil A lemonade
2. Homemade cookies
3. Walks by the river
4. Libs chocolate
5. Colored ink pens
6. Walking through Hobby Lobby
7. Reading a magazine
8. Getting my wedding ring cleaned
9. Buying a new piece of clothing
10. Bargain shopping (it's an addiction really)

In the book she closes the chapter by saying, "I want to teach my kids that it doesn't mean you are a worldly person if you happen to find a little joy in the things of this world that bring your heart comfort."  And since God made the world and everything in it, why not find some joy in it?  At our monthly budget committee meeting tomorrow, I'm going to talk to Kevin about putting some money back for ourselves, so when we want a little treat, there will be no guilt in it.

*Side note* This guilty feeling is something that must happen after you give birth.  Until I had kids, I never once felt guilty about buying stuff for myself, even if it was very expensive and totally unnecessary.  Maybe my head is telling me to slow down because things like braces and college will be needing funded before I can blink.  Either way, I'm going to start making it a point to do little things for myself AND not feel guilty about it!